Those Phrases from My Parent Which Helped Us as a New Parent

"In my view I was merely in survival mode for the first year."

Former Made In Chelsea personality Ryan Libbey anticipated to cope with the demands of being a father.

However the truth soon became "utterly different" to what he'd imagined.

Life-threatening health problems during the birth saw his partner Louise being hospitalised. Abruptly he was forced into becoming her chief support while also caring for their infant son Leo.

"I handled each nighttime feed, each diaper… every walk. The duty of both parents," Ryan explained.

After 11 months he burnt out. That was when a talk with his parent, on a public seat, that led him to understand he required support.

The simple words "You're not in a good spot. You must get some help. How can I help you?" opened the door for Ryan to speak honestly, ask for help and find a way back.

His story is commonplace, but rarely discussed. While the public is now more accustomed to discussing the pressure on mothers and about postpartum depression, less is said about the difficulties fathers go through.

Seeking help isn't a weakness to seek assistance

Ryan feels his challenges are symptomatic of a broader reluctance to talk amongst men, who continue to hold onto negative notions of masculinity.

Men, he says, often feel they must be "the fortress that just gets smashed and doesn't fall every time."

"It is not a display of failure to seek help. I was too slow to do that soon enough," he clarifies.

Therapist Dr Jill Domoney, a specialist focusing on mental health pre and post childbirth, notes men often don't want to accept they're having a hard time.

They can think they are "not justified to be seeking help" - especially in front of a mum and baby - but she stresses their mental well-being is just as important to the household.

Ryan's conversation with his dad gave him the space to ask for a break - taking a short trip overseas, outside of the home environment, to see things clearly.

He realised he needed to make a shift to focus on his and his partner's emotions in addition to the logistical chores of caring for a new baby.

When he opened up to Louise, he saw he'd failed to notice "what she needed" -physical connection and paying attention to her words.

Reparenting yourself'

That realisation has changed how Ryan views parenthood.

He's now writing Leo regular notes about his journey as a dad, which he aspires his son will look at as he gets older.

Ryan believes these will enable his son better understand the vocabulary of emotional life and make sense of his approach to fatherhood.

The idea of "parenting yourself" is something artist Professor Green - whose name is Stephen Manderson - has also felt keenly since becoming a dad to his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

As a child Stephen lacked stable male parenting. Even with having an "incredible" relationship with his dad, profound emotional pain caused his father found it hard to cope and was "in and out" of his life, making difficult their connection.

Stephen says bottling up emotions resulted in him make "bad choices" when younger to change how he was feeling, finding solace in substance use as an escape from the pain.

"You turn to things that aren't helpful," he says. "They can short-term modify how you feel, but they will in the end make things worse."

Tips for Coping as a New Dad

• Open up to someone - when you are overwhelmed, tell a friend, your spouse or a professional about your state of mind. This can to ease the pressure and make you feel less alone.
• Maintain your passions - make time for the activities that allowed you to feel like you before having a baby. Examples include playing sport, meeting up with mates or gaming.
• Look after the body - eating well, physical activity and if you can, resting, all play a role in how your emotional health is doing.
• Connect with other parents in the same boat - listening to their stories, the challenges, along with the positive moments, can help to normalise how you're feeling.
• Know that requesting help is not failure - prioritising yourself is the optimal method you can look after your family.

When his father subsequently died by suicide, Stephen naturally had difficulty processing the loss, having been out of touch with him for a long time.

Now being a father himself, Stephen's resolved not to "continue the chain" with his boy and instead give the stability and emotional support he lacked.

When his son threatens to have a meltdown, for example, they practise "shaking the feelings out" together - processing the feelings safely.

Both Ryan and Stephen say they have become better, healthier men because they confronted their issues, transformed how they express themselves, and taught themselves to regulate themselves for their sons.

"I am now more capable of… sitting with things and dealing with things," says Stephen.

"I wrote that in a note to Leo the other week," Ryan shares. "I wrote, sometimes I feel like my purpose is to guide and direct you what to do, but actually, it's a two-way conversation. I am understanding as much as you are on this path."